December Dilemma

By Marian Scott, The Montreal Gazette, December 17, 2005

On December 25, the Raskin family will mark the first night of Hanukkah by lighting the menorah, spinning dreidels and tucking into mother Natalie's feather-light latkes. Then they'll all sit down to Christmas dinner. The Jewish festival of lights kicks off on Christmas Day for the first time since 1959 - intensifying what has become known as the "December dilemma" for the thousands of mixed-faith families in Montreal who celebrate both. Will it be Christmas? Or Hanukkah? Or, to take a page from the popular television series The O.C., Chrismukkah? "The first night of Hanukkah has fallen on December 25 only four times in the last century: in 1918, 1921 and 1959," said Kathy Diamond, a reference librarian at the Jewish Public Library. The collision of the two festivals is sparking controversy over how mixed-faith families will mark Hanukkah, commemorating the miracle of a small amount of oil that lasted eight days; and Christmas, celebrating the birth of Jesus. For many of the more than 42,000 adult Canadians in Jewish-Christian unions, it only seems natural to observe both holidays. "We couldn't not celebrate Hanukkah, just as we couldn't not celebrate Christmas," said Natalie Gasparini, who was raised Catholic while her husband, Joel Raskin, is Jewish. "A piece of us would be missing. It wouldn't feel right."

But some religious leaders are condemning the mixing of festive traditions. In a recent letter to members of Congregation Dorshei Emet in Hampstead, Rabbi Ron Aigen warned that mixing Hanukkah with Christmas betrays the very spirit of the Jewish festival. Hanukkah, meaning "Dedication," marks a Jewish victory against assimilation, the Reconstructionist rabbi pointed out in the letter. "The battle of Hanukkah is still being waged," he wrote. In an interview, Aigen said it is wrong to celebrate both holidays. "To have the kids celebrate both, it becomes absurd. It's kind of like religious Disneyland. "You can't dance at two weddings," Aigen added. "You're one or the other. You can't be both." Rabbi Leigh Lerner of Temple Emanu-El-Beth Sholom, a Reform congregation that includes a large number of mixed-faith couples, also warned against celebrating both Hanukkah and Christmas. "When you're raising children, choose one. If you don't choose one you have no commitment to either," he said. But for many in mixed-faith marriages, there is no question of not carrying on both spouses' holiday traditions. "What are interfaith families supposed to do? Are they supposed to deny their traditions? I wouldn't feel that was appropriate," said Geoffrey Dougherty, head of the division of general pediatrics at the Montreal Children's Hospital. Dougherty was raised in the United Church of Canada while Susie, his wife of 27 years, is Jewish. They have always celebrated all the major Jewish and Christian festivals with their two sons, 18 and 16. "My wife and I have never attempted to convert each other," said Dougherty, who sent out holiday greeting cards this year that read: "Happy Everything!"

Myrna Baron, executive director of the Centre for Cultural Judaism in New
York, said religious leaders are ignoring the real-life experiences of interfaith families. "The reality of our world is that cross-cultural families are celebrating both holidays," she said. The 2001 Census recorded 8,300 adult Montrealers in mixed Jewish-Christian unions. However, Warren Clark, a senior analyst with Statistics Canada's Canadian Social Trends division, said the real number of mixed-faith couples is higher, since the Census figure does not include people who converted to their spouse's faith. Gasparini's husband, Joel Raskin, takes pride in passing on his Jewish traditions to Maria, 13, and Luca, 9. "Personally, I'm very comfortable with it," he said. "We celebrate with stories and decor and food and family gatherings." Terry Miro often garlands the family tree with blue lights and dreidels in honor of her Jewish heritage. Her husband, Ian Robinson, is Protestant, and they have raised their daughter Maggie, 13, in both traditions. "Sometimes, growing up, I felt left out at Christmas," Terry said. "Now I'm part of it. It's fun giving gifts, it's fun getting gifts."

Jo-Anna and Ricky Zilversmit and their children Shauna, 12, and Shayne, 10, have devised their own holiday traditions, including a tree decorated with hockey memorabilia and topped with Disney's Tinkerbell. "The kids get the best of both worlds," said Jo-Anna, who was raised Anglican while Ricky, the son of Holocaust survivors, is Jewish. "I think we should just be a lot more tolerant. We'd all be a lot better off," Ricky said. "Way too many people have died for religion." The Raskin children are baptized in the Catholic faith, while the Robinson and Zilversmit children identify themselves as Jewish.

Karen Levy, a spiritual leader of Oraynu Congregation for Humanistic Judaism in Toronto, said celebrating both holidays takes nothing away from either tradition. "My message would be, don't stigmatize and marginalize Jews who love someone who is not Jewish, because it's not a reflection of how they feel about their Jewishness," she said. Christians, in turn, should understand why Jewish leaders are concerned about the lure of Christmas, she said. "Jews are worried about Jewish continuity. That's why it's a touch point," she said. It is important to remember that the Jewish people have resisted assimilation in the face of centuries of persecution, Levy pointed out. "There are so many incidents in Jewish history where Jews were forced to convert or be killed."

"Chrismukkah," a blend of Christmas and Hanukkah, was popularized in 2003 by The O.C., a television series about hip teens in Orange County, Calif. It has also popped up lately on other hit shows such as Grey's Anatomy. The buzzword has spawned greeting cards, a website and a cookbook by Montana entrepreneur Ron Gompertz of recipes like Bah Humburgers and Kosher Fruit Cake. But many Christians and Jews feel the attempt to create a hybrid holiday demeans both religious traditions. "It's really important not to take lightly someone's deeply cherished cultural symbol," said Gwenda Wells, ecumenical Christian chaplain at McGill University. The debate over mixing Jewish and Christian holiday traditions follows recent skirmishes over terminology. Last month, an aide to Governor-General Michaelle Jean drew criticism by referring to "holiday trees" at Rideau Hall. Another official later substituted the traditional term Christmas tree. In November, Boston called Nova Scotia's annual gift of a fir tree a "holiday tree." After a public outcry, the U.S. city backed down and declared the province's present a Christmas tree. While many feel strongly that "Christmas" and "Hanukkah" should not be replaced by the religiously neutral "holiday," the fact is that Canadians increasingly regard Christmas and Hanukkah as cultural, not religious holidays, said Jack Jedwab, executive director of the Association for Canadian Studies. Just one Canadian in four considers Christmas and Hanukkah primarily as religious holidays, while most say the holidays are mainly about spending time with family, according to an 18-country survey by Global Market Insite, a U.S. marketing firm. "If you strip Christmas of its religious dimension as the birth of Christ, it becomes a time for families, which is the way most Canadians see it," Jedwab said. However, Wells suggested that interfaith families should reflect on the deeper meaning of Christmas and Hanukkah, in order to discover common themes that underlie the two. "There is a message of hope and a sense that something new is going to come at a difficult time," she said. While Gasparini doesn't consider herself religious, she derives inspiration from both holidays. "I think Hanukkah is about believing that things can happen when you think they can't happen. Christmas is about giving," she said. "The message of both holidays is different, but at the same time, it's the same."

This article may not be reproduced in any form without prior permission from The Gazette.

Back to News