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Jewish Life & Celebrations

Wedding

The Humanistic Marriage Ceremony

Rabbi Sherwin T. Wine
The humanistic Jewish marriage ceremony is based on alternative values. Marriage is defined as a friendship of equality in which reproduction is an option. Two rings reinforce this concept and the ketuba is replaced by a simple document of confirmation.
Sherwin T. Wine, Celebration, Prometheus Books, 2003, pp 365-376.

Welcome
Reflections on Marriage
Remarks
Vows
Ring Exchange
Cup of Unity
Announcements
Breaking Glass

Welcome

Listen now you lovers of love
Here this you seekers of happiness
There is no happiness without love.

We affirm the power of love and life in all the world. We affirm the power of love and life in every human being. On this day, we reaffirm the power of love and life in (groom) and (bride).

Happy are those who come in the name of life.
Happy are those who come in the name of love.

Reflections on Marriage

Marriage is an opportunity for happiness. It is also risky business. Two people who choose the partnership of love and loyalty need many skills to make it work. They need patience, kindness, generosity, good humor, and the ability to compromise. They need persistence, nurturing, trust, discretion, and the willingness to be vulnerable.

But almost nothing offers a greater possibility for living life well. When marriage works it justifies all the effort. Life is richer when experience is shared. We are more ourselves when we are responding to the stimulus of others, especially when we are responding to the gift of love. Good lovers bring out the best in each other.

If romance leads to friendship, if coming together makes room for individual space, if dreams turn into realistic expectations, if the dazzle of beginnings yields to long-run commitment, if one is always willing to demand of oneself what one demands of others, then love becomes more profound and the bond of marriage is strengthened.

To choose marriage is to accept a challenge, the challenge that love provides when it wants to grow.

Remarks

(Groom) ______ and (bride) _____, we have all come together, your family and friends, to help you celebrate your love for one another and your decision to be husband and wife.

At this special time it is very important for you to remember the reasons why you are in love and why you belong together - and especially all the important discoveries you have made about each other. You have certainly discovered how good you are for each other. (Groom) _______, (bride) _______ has come into your life and transformed it. She has made an enormous difference. And you are a better person because she is there. (Bride) _____, (groom) _____ has come into your life and transformed it. He has made an enormous difference. And you are a better person because he is there.

Each of you is more complete because you have each other. That is the chemistry of love. True lovers evoke the best from those they love and make them aware of feelings and possibilities they never experienced before.

You have certainly discovered that you respect each other. Love needs respect to make it healthy. It needs the recognition that each of you give the other, the recognition that a good marriage does not require you to give up your personal identity and to surrender your individual style.

The sign of your respect is the way you listen to each other. Each of you is unique and special. Each of you has the need to be the master of his or her own destiny. Each of you has the right to be treated with dignity. The thoughts and feelings of each of you are of ultimate importance to both of you. And you must always take the time to hear each other and to understand each other. In a humanistic marriage there are no masters and slaves, bosses and servants, rulers and subordinates. There are equals loving equals.

You have certainly discovered that you are the best of friends. You know that you can trust each other and depend on each other. No matter how old we may become, we still need nurturing and loyal support. We still need approval and encouragement to achieve what we want to achieve.

You nurture each other in many ways. You listen without being judgmental. You help without being self-sacrificing. You share without holding back. You resist fear without being naive.

In short, you are a partnership in which the fulfillment of one depends on the fulfillment of the other.

The task of determining your own future is a little bit frightening. But it is also exciting, especially since you are undertaking the adventure of life together. You share many hopes and dreams. Do not betray them. Find strength in yourself in each other.

Vows

In the spirit of love and loyalty let me address this question to you (groom) ______.

Do you (groom) ____ freely affirm that (bride) _____is indeed your wife? And do you promise in the presence of your family and friends to respect her, to trust her, and to care for her?

(Groom: I do)

And in the same spirit of love and loyalty let me address this question to you (bride) _____

Do you (bride) ____ freely affirm that (groom) ____ is indeed your husband? And do you promise, in the presence of your family and friends to respect him, to trust him, and to care for him?

(Bride: I do)

Ring Exchange

These rings are reminders to you of an important power that you both possess - the power to give each other gifts of love. Every day of your life together present you with the opportunity to share with each other the gifts of tenderness, understanding, and hope, the gifts of trust, respect, and loyalty.

Take these rings and exchange them in the spirit of generous love.

Cup of Unity

This goblet is a single cup from which you both shall drink. It is a sign of your unity. Although you are two distinct persons, both respecting the equal dignity of the other, you have chosen to unite your lives and to seek your happiness together. You drink from the same cup to be reminded that you will share pain and pleasure, struggle and success.

Happy are a man and a woman who find love in marriage.
Take this cup and drink from it in the spirit of loving union.

Announcement

You have spoken your promise. You have exchanged the signs of your commitment to each other. You have drunk from the cup of unity. It is time for creativity.

Therefore, it is with great pleasure that I declare, that because of the special love and respect that you give to each other, that you (groom) ____ and you (bride) ____ are husband and wife.

May you find the happiness that you seek together.

Breaking Glass

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