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Jewish Life & Celebrations

Bar/Bat Mitzvah

Preparing and Planning for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah

Rabbi Judith Seid
Secular or Humanistic Jewish congregations enable Bar or Bat Mitzvah candidates to study topics in addition to a project serving the community.
Rabbi Seid is the author of We Rejoice in Our Heritage: Home Rituals for Secular and Humanistic Jews, and God-Optional Judaism: Alternatives for Cultural Jews who Love Their History, Heritage, and Community. Rabbi Seid is also the cultural leader at Tri-Valley Cultural Jews in Pleasanton, California. Visit Rabbi Seid at www.SecularJewishWeddings.com

Judith Seid, God-Optional Judaism, Citadel Press, 2001, pp 152-164.

Most large cities in the U.S. have Secular or Humanistic Jewish congregations that support an alternative Bar or Bat Mitzvah preparation and ceremony.

The Congress of Secular Jewish Organizations provided this outline of a Bar/Bat Mitzvah program from an Israeli kibbutz. In addition to a community-service project, students choose four of the following topics to study.

1. Diaspora: Students study the reasons for the Jewish diaspora and the development of Jewish culture in non-Jewish countries
2. Present-day diaspora: Students examine contemporary Jewish life in Russia, France, Spain, South America, Africa, U.S.A., Mexico, and the Arab countries, focusing on the treatment of Jews, politics, economics, and the degree of ghettoisation.
3. Literature: Students study a Yiddish or Hebrew writer’s life and literature.
4. Hasidism: Students learn about the development of the Hasidic movements, its place in the history of Judaism, and its present revival.
5. Kabbalah: Students become acquainted with the mystical manifestations of Judaism, including gematria, Jewish numerology.
6. Biography: Students write a biography including the life, work, and philosophy of a Jew who has made a substantial contribution to literature, graphic arts, music, journalism, science, social service, sports, etc.
7. Pirke Avot: Students choose five sayings and show their relevance to society, examining whether the sayings are meaningful, and why, and showing the need for society to set an ethical structure.
8. History of Zionism
9. Secularism: Students examine the socialism of the late nineteenth century, the labor movement in the U.S. in the early twentieth century, the history of Jewish Secularism, and the Labor Zionist movement. They are asked to trace the historical threads leading to the formation of Secular Judaism and study specific people, movements, and organizations within Secular Humanistic Judaism.
10. Effect of Judaism on other societies: Students discuss the tenets of Jewish law incorporated into Anglo jurisprudence.
11. Tzedakah: Students learn Maimonides’ eight steps and discuss their application to modern life. They also discuss aspects of “Am I My Brother’s/Sister’s Keeper?”
12. Women’s role in Secular Jewish life
13. Family history: Students research several generations of their ancestors, including issues of economics, politics, and immigration.
14. Comparative study of major types of Judaism: Students learn the differences and similarities among the movements.

The Bar and Bat Mitzvah ceremonies are done as a group, with up to five participants, or they can be done individually. Typically, there is a lot of group singing, both in Yiddish and Hebrew. The students generally read one or more of their papers and also demonstrate a cultural aspect of Jewish life by playing a piece of music, acting out a short scene from Jewish literature, or even teaching the guests a folk dance. In a group ceremony, the students often interact with a scripted dialogue or a musical piece played together. Very often the parents or other family members speak to the B’ney Mitzvah, describing their qualities and the pride their families feel.

What are your choices?

What are your choices if you have a child who would like a Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony, or if you, as an adult, would like one, yourself?

If you live in a place with or near a Secular or Humanistic organization, give them a call.
You might have to contend with family pressures to have a religious ceremony in a synagogue on a Saturday morning but you still have some choices. You can allow your child to learn to conduct services as well as to read his or her Torah and Haftarah portion, or you can insist on only allowing your child to read, but not to conduct services.

Whether you opt for a maximal or minimal synagogue ceremony, you can still add cultural and historical aspects. Your child can still carry on independent study of Jewish history and culture, and can do independent community service. The Bar or Bat Mitzvah speech can reflect these studies and experiences, and not just be a sermon based on the Torah portion. Or your child can speak at a gathering immediately following the religious ceremony.

What if there is no Secular Humanistic congregation where you live and you don’t need to accommodate family members with a synagogue ceremony? You still have a couple of choices. You can go it alone – join CSJO or SHJ as an individual member and get guidance from the national staffs of either organization – or you can do some organizing.
Unless you are living in an area with no other Jews, you will probably find a few families very much like yours. Broach the idea of having the kids study together for a Bar or Bat Mitzvah. It’s likely that the people you talk to have given up the idea of having a Bar or Bar Mitzvah but will be interested in the idea of being able to craft a course of study and a ceremony that suits their own worldview and spirituality and that has authentic culturally Jewish underpinnings. You might find that the people you talk to are grateful, and you might even produce the beginnings of a community for yourself, a place to express your own Jewishness with others of like mind.

Where can you hold a non-synagogue ceremony?

At home, if your place is large enough. At the Jewish Community Center or the Hillel Foundation at a local campus, or even in the social hall of a local synagogue or temple. The only necessity is enough room and a place to feed people.

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