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Jewish Life & Celebrations

Funeral

Selected Readings at the Funeral Home and the Cemetery

© These excerpts from a funeral service were created by Rabbi Peter Schweitzer for the The City Congregation for Humanistic Judaism in New York.

Order of Service: At the Funeral Home

EACH OF US HAS A NAME
--Zelda /adapted by Peter Schweitzer

Each of us has a name
given by our parents and given by our ancestors.
Each of us has a name
given by our stature
and given by our smile.
Each of us has a name given by our words
and given by our music.
Each of us has a name given by our neighbors
and given by our friends.


AT THIS HOUR

We are gathered at this hour to bear honor to the life of ___________________ .

On behalf of his/her family, and in the presence of his/her relatives and friends, we consecrate this memorial service as a sign of our eternal love and everlasting remembrance.

We give thanks for the blessing of _____________’s life, for the gift of his/her companionship, and for the comfort of precious memories which sustain us in the hour of our bereavement. Though sorrow lingers, we have learned that love is stronger than death.

Even when they are gone, the departed are with us, moving us to live as, in their higher moments, they themselves wished to live. May our actions and aspirations honor our loved one as a sign of our abiding devotion.

WE WILL REMEMBER

In the rising of the sun and in its going down,
we will remember him/her.
In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of the winter,
we will remember him/her.
In the opening of the buds, and in the rebirth of the spring,
we will remember him/her.
In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer,
we will remember him/her.
In the rustling of leaves and in the beauty of autumn,
we will remember him/her.
In the beginning of the year and when it ends,
we will remember him/her.
When we are weary and in need of strength,
we will remember him/her.
When we are lost and sick at heart,
we will remember him/her.
When we have joys we yearn to share,
we will remember him/her.
So long as we live, he/she too shall live, for he/she is now a part of us,
as we remember him/her.


LIFE'S JOURNEY

Birth is a beginning
And death is a destination.
And life is a journey:
From childhood to maturity
And youth to age;
From innocence to knowing;
From foolishness to discretion
And then, perhaps, to wisdom;
From weakness to strength
Or strength to weakness-- And, often, back again;
From health to sickness
And back, we hope, to health again;
From offense to forgiveness,
From loneliness to love,
From joy to gratitude,
From pain to compassion,
And grief to understanding--
From fear to hope;
From defeat to defeat to defeat--
Until, looking backward or ahead,
We see that victory lies
Not at some high place along the way,
But in having made the journey,
stage by stage.
Birth is a beginning
And death is a destination.
And life is a journey,
An awesome journey.


EULOGY

[This talk has two goals: It should try to capture the essence of the person’s life, recording major milestones and accomplishments, along with the values the person lived by and it should also speak to the bereaved and offer comfort to them. Several speakers (but not too many) can deliver this message and personal memories and anecdotes are encouraged. Sometimes a spouse wants to speak, but is not up to the task, and so the leader can offer to read a statement on behalf of the partner]

DESTINY

Fear not death; we are destined to die. We share it with all who ever lived, with all who ever will be. Bewail the dead, hide not your grief, do not restrain your mourning. But remember that continuing sorrow is worse than death.

Seek not to understand what cannot be explained, search not for what is hidden from you.

As a drop of water in the sea, as a grain of sand on the shore are a person's few days in life. The good things in life last for limited days, but a good name endures forever.

In the time of our trouble, seek the consolation of friends. In days of distress and desolation, may they help us to endure. (after Ben Sira)

THE CHAIN OF LOVE

When cherished ties are broken, and the chain of love is shattered, only trust and the strength of friends can lighten the heaviness of the heart. At times the pain of separation seems more than we can bear, but if we dwell too long on our loss we embitter our hearts and harm ourselves and those about us.

The Psalmist said that in his affliction he learned the law of life and death. And in truth, grief is a great teacher, when it sends us back to serve and care for the living. We learn how to counsel and comfort those who, like ourselves, are bowed with sorrow. We learn when to keep silent in their presence, and when a word will assure them of our love and concern.


Order of Service: At the Cemetery

MEMORY
The generations come and go, brief is their time. Dying, they leave many of their tasks unfinished, their plans unfulfilled, their dreams unrealized.

At this dedicated moment we turn our thoughts to ___________ (or: the one we love) who has gone from life. We recall the joy of his/her companionship. We feel the comforting presence of his/her spirit. On account of our love, we ache, all the more so, with intense grief. But so long as heart and thought and breath remain with us, so will the one we love. By love is he/she remembered and in memory does he/she live.

May ____________’s memory (or: the memory of our beloved) bring strength and comfort. May the nobility in his/her life and the high ideals he/she cherished endure in our thoughts and live on in our deeds. May we, carrying on his/her work, help to redeem the promise that life has meaning and purpose and that life shall prevail.


ONE ANOTHER

We need one another when we mourn and would be comforted.

We need one another when we are in trouble and crave help, or when we are in the deep waters of temptation and a strong hand might pull us out.

We need one another when we accomplish some great purpose and cannot do this alone.

We need one another in our defeats, when with encouragement we might strive again; and in the hour of success, when we look for someone to share our bliss.

And we need one another when we come to die, and find comfort in the companionship of friends and families.

All our lives we are in need, and others are in need of us.

We best live when we bring to one another our understanding and our solace.


TO THE ONE I LOVE, AND THE ONES WHO LOVED ME
-- Christina Georgina Rossetti

When I am dead, my dearest,
Sing no sad songs for me;
Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree:
Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet:
And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt, forget.

I shall not see the shadows,
I shall not feel the rain;
I shall not hear the nightingale
Sing on as if in pain:
And dreaming through the twilight
That doth not rise nor set
Haply I may remember,
And haply may forget.


LEAVES
(author unknown)

You shall ask
What good are dead leaves
And I will tell you
They nourish the sore earth.
You shall ask
what reason is there for winter
And I will tell you
To bring about new leaves.
You shall ask
Why are the leaves so green
And I will tell you
Because they are rich in life.
You shall ask
Why must summer end
And I will tell you
So that the leaves can die.


IMMORTALITY
(author unknown)

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awake in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift upflinging rush
Of quiet birds in curling flight
I am the soft star shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die.


AY-FO O-REE
(by Sherwin Wine)

Ay-fo o-ree? O-ree bee.
Ayfo teek-va-tee? Teek-va-tee bee.
Ay-fo ko-khee? Ko-khee bee.
V-gahm bakh.

Where is my light? My light is in me.
Where is my hope? My hope is in me.
Where is my strength? My strength is in me.
And in you.


ON BEING REMEMBERED
by Jacob P. Rudin

When we are dead, and people weep for us and grieve, let it be because we touched their lives with beauty and simplicity. Let it not be said that life was good to us, but, rather, that we were good to life.

MODERN KADDISH / GLORY OF LIFE
by Peter Schweitzer

May the glory of life be extolled. L'chaim.

May the world be blessed with peace, all life hallowed by love and respect. L'chaim.

Let life be blessed, and glorified, exalted and honored. L'chaim.

Though beyond praises, songs, and adorations we may utter, let life be celebrated. L'chaim.

For us, for all Israel, for all people, may the promise and the gift of life come true. L'chaim.

May peace embrace all of us, all Israel, and all the world. L'chaim.
May peace be granted us, we who mourn, and be a comfort to all who are bereaved, and let us say, L'chaim.

Zay-cher tza-deek-keem lee-v'ra-kha.

May the memory of good people be for us a blessing.



WHAT WE FEAR

It is not death we fear, but dying.

It is not passing we fear, but pain.

It is not leaving we fear, but being left behind.

It is not separation we fear, but saying goodbye.

May strength and courage be ours.

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